“Post-coital cigarette. A curtain of mute rain blurred the window. She didn’t strain too hard. She just eased herself in the comfort of her couch. Releasing the smoke, she wanted to release her fears too. She nervously flicked the ash. The faint light from the street lamp permeated the dark room. She drew the curtain a lil to the left. She looked at the window across the street. An old man and his television set shared quite intimacy. He had no struggles. He had no fear. He was a free man.
She felt the tension release. She let out a sigh. It was peaceful to go with the flow but how far? There were always questions and then more questions. As she sunk in more into her leather couch a little ash spilled over it. She didn’t care. The thought was consuming her. She wanted to escape it. It was easy to be with him. She felt comfortable in her own skin when he was with her. There were no pretences. It was just so fluid to slip into any temperament with him . they could be having a smooth conversation a minute and anonymous silence the next. They shared comfort, passion, intensity. She never had an awkward moment with him until now. Her mind space was cluttered with the inevitable question she wanted to evade and she knew that he wanted to escape the reality of that question. That troubled her. He did not want to define the comfort, passion and intensity they shared. He liked it without boundaries and restraining definitions. She liked him enough to be in limbo, not questioning the status quo.
Restlessness crept in upon her. They were in love yet in denial. Or was she trying to jump the gun or appease her own fears. She was scared of confronting the jaded ‘what next’ status. She hated to admit it, but she needed a definition, a commitment ..like a seal on a deal. It was her security blanket. But she also wanted to escape that conditioning. Why could she not accept the non-committal status? Why was it so disturbing to be in a relationship but refrain from the superficial security of being in one and calling it one? Is the commitment reassuring? Why is it unsettling to be in a no-man’s land when it comes to relationships? You don’t compromise on the comfort, passion and intensity and respect that you share for each other; the only thing you compromise is on the commitment to each other. Why is an official commitment or proposal so integral to a relationship?
She restlessly got up from her couch. Walked through the shadows towards her bed. She watched him peacefully numb to her anxiety that was gnawing on her. She slid in the bed with him. Watching him sleep without a qualm; unsettled her. It was a constant search for reasoning to define our existence and to justify our actions. Non-committal waiting for godot is liberating at an existentialist level; but is it the way forward to the answers we seek in reality? She stared at the roof above in silence and a scattered head.”
Will there ever be a next step forward for them without a seal to symbolically close the deal?
She felt the tension release. She let out a sigh. It was peaceful to go with the flow but how far? There were always questions and then more questions. As she sunk in more into her leather couch a little ash spilled over it. She didn’t care. The thought was consuming her. She wanted to escape it. It was easy to be with him. She felt comfortable in her own skin when he was with her. There were no pretences. It was just so fluid to slip into any temperament with him . they could be having a smooth conversation a minute and anonymous silence the next. They shared comfort, passion, intensity. She never had an awkward moment with him until now. Her mind space was cluttered with the inevitable question she wanted to evade and she knew that he wanted to escape the reality of that question. That troubled her. He did not want to define the comfort, passion and intensity they shared. He liked it without boundaries and restraining definitions. She liked him enough to be in limbo, not questioning the status quo.
Restlessness crept in upon her. They were in love yet in denial. Or was she trying to jump the gun or appease her own fears. She was scared of confronting the jaded ‘what next’ status. She hated to admit it, but she needed a definition, a commitment ..like a seal on a deal. It was her security blanket. But she also wanted to escape that conditioning. Why could she not accept the non-committal status? Why was it so disturbing to be in a relationship but refrain from the superficial security of being in one and calling it one? Is the commitment reassuring? Why is it unsettling to be in a no-man’s land when it comes to relationships? You don’t compromise on the comfort, passion and intensity and respect that you share for each other; the only thing you compromise is on the commitment to each other. Why is an official commitment or proposal so integral to a relationship?
She restlessly got up from her couch. Walked through the shadows towards her bed. She watched him peacefully numb to her anxiety that was gnawing on her. She slid in the bed with him. Watching him sleep without a qualm; unsettled her. It was a constant search for reasoning to define our existence and to justify our actions. Non-committal waiting for godot is liberating at an existentialist level; but is it the way forward to the answers we seek in reality? She stared at the roof above in silence and a scattered head.”
Will there ever be a next step forward for them without a seal to symbolically close the deal?
And In a relationship do you know what moment defines the next step forward?
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